It's no secret that I am a single girl in the big, bad dating world just simply trying to find my way.
Two of my New Year's Resolutions was "Be Seen in 2013" and to "Live Fearlessly." As it turns out, bundled with being seen and living fearlessly, going out on Saturday night is a MUST. I've compiled a list of rules that I see fit for going out - but I believe are a complete necessity for Saturday Nights as a Single Girl.
One
Everything said on a Saturday night should be taken with a grain of salt. Drunk guy tells you he wants to kiss another male on the mouth - grain of salt. Drunk girl said she's completely fine to drive - grain of salt. Drunk girl gives you an evil side eye because she thinks you bumped into her and made her spill her drink - grain of salt. Drunk guy says he isn't married - grain of salt.
Two
If you see a member of the male species that has what resembles a wedding ring on his LEFT hand but on his MIDDLE finger, DO NOT BE FOOLED. It is, in fact, a wedding ring. He will whisper in your ear that he's single, that he thinks you are beautiful, that he really likes your hair - but chances are you will see him and his wife at church the next morning. Eye contact will be avoided, but the WEDDING ring will be on the correct finger.
Three
You shouldn't accept drinks from people that you do not know. Unless, of course, they have great hair or pretty eyes. And unless they are buying the vodka tonics with the good vodka. Shots are negotiable. I am of the understanding that no adult really needs to take shots - but that doesn't mean I haven't taken one or two on a recent Saturday night.
3.1 Just because you shouldn't accept drinks from strangers, doesn't mean you shouldn't drink. It is Saturday night after all.
Four
If someone asks for your phone number and you don't like them, do not give it to them. Just shoot them a quick thank you and walk away. If that doesn't work, or the bar is too crowded and no quick getaways can be made, simply give them the wrong phone number. A quick change around of the numbers will suffice. Trust me.
Five
Do not take rides home from people you do not know. We are not amateurs, ladies. They look harmless, and maybe even have the perfect excuse for a ride home. Or maybe they even offer you a place to sleep.
Just no.
Six
Do not - under any circumstance - eat at 3 a.m.
Print this off and put it in your clutch.
You'll thank me on Sunday morning.
xoxo,
Brooke
23 comments:
Ha, soooo true!!!!
Bu, bu, buttttt... 3am Taco Hell is soooooo good...
Merp.
hahahah I LOVE THIS! and eating at 3am is such a good idea at the time...but such a horrible idea later.
This is absolutely amazing. So great!
This made me laugh!! I experienced my first taco bell late night run after bar time and i was not doing so well a few hours lol although it was delicious at the time.
perfect advice. if only i could remember to follow these rules after about 5 drinks.
um, i would cut off some parts of billy if he did that with the ring on wrong finger. EW! Not ok. Taco bell IS ok at 3am....right? right?
Hahaha I just laughed so hard... This reminds me way too much of my time at UGA. I may or may not have met my husband at a bar/club in downtown Athens... and we may or may not have been drunk. oopsies :)
Is eating at 2am ok then? This was pretty freakin awesome haha. I've had the whole ring thing before and I grabbed his left hand and informed him that if he has a tan line on his finger from where a ring was he shouldn't have said ring on the other hand. Men aren't that bright haha.
I have to eat before bed or the next day is hideous.
You did not see him at church the next day... with his wife? What in the world!? But I may or may not be printing Brookie's guide to going out for my clutch. That way when the alcohol clouds my judgement, I can just pull it out and be on my way!
eating at 3 am is amazing though after a night of drinking, lol.
This is so true!! i love everything about this!!i giggled through it all!!
XOXO
Have you ever heard of the Rejection Hotline? It's a number you can give out to people you don't really like, and when they call there's this hilarious pre-recorded message about why they may have been rejected. Here's the Seattle number 206-494-0827 but I think there's one for just about every area code. :-)
I personally like fries and ice cream at 3am...and then the whole time I am eating this mix of foods....I worry its going to curdle in my stomach..and then drunk Lindsey panics. I can count my drunken nights on 1 hand..and this has happened 3 of those 5 times!
yowza.
OAN - thanks for this. Printing...
I'd just like to experience a single girl Saturday night wif you. Sounds like alot of fun! Oh, and one time a married guy tricked me. There was no ring. Sneaky dude.
Perfect advice! Never go home with someone who just offers you a place to rest your pretty little head - haha!
"I just wanna know where the onion rings are..." Dying! That was always my problem...taco bell or krystals around two pr three in the morning after reluctantly handing over my keys while swearing (even after four tequila shots) that I was fiiinne to drive. Love this!
3. I would always accept drinks (but no one ever offers...awkward)
4. Noted.
6. Ignore
Vicki looks like she was hit by a mac truck
Married to Medicine is the greatest show ever made
Oh my gosh I don't know how I came across your blog, but I am so glad I did. I love this post, and every other post I read on your blog haha. Why is it that eating at 3 am is such a good idea at the time?.... Then such a horrible idea later? Ahh my life.
This was fantastic and your GIFs could not have been more perfect. Well done, friend.
haha! I love this! Sooo true!
hilarious and so true! i used to be sooooo bad about the eating at 3 am thing. i've gotten better at that, but i don't do as well at the giving out my number thing. i feel to guilty to lie!
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