I've Got Goals.

I told you ladies and gents last week that I had been privy to a new number on the scales.

And I couldn't even really be happy about it. Here's the thing. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy with my weight or with the way I look. It's just the way it is.

I started back on my super strict diet yesterday and woke up expecting the scales to say 99 pounds today. It didn't which was depressing. But the good thing is I was looking for some strict motivation. 

I found it on Sunday. I found the motivation that my soul had actually been searching for. The sun was shining and while it wasn't much warmer than 70 degrees out - my body and mind needed some Vitamin D. So I threw on the bikini - the one I had purchased for my January trip to Miami (the one in which I was at my lowest weight ever) - and something happened. I didn't exactly look the way I did when I was in Miami.

Now - do not get me wrong. I never thought I was a Vicky's model in Miami. I knew I wasn't. But, I was proud of the way that I looked. After all, I had worked really hard to get there. But, I had slacked off in a big way. Chuy's had taken over my life and I've been drinking more beer - and that cute little bikini that I just had to have - well, didn't look so cute anymore.

I hadn't really gained any weight. Because the scales told me the same thing that they'd been saying for a while. I had actually lost weight and was really close (like .5 pounds) to my Miami weight. It's just things didn't look the way they used to.

So while laying there dreaming of chips/salsa/sangria - I decided some things. I had a goal and somehow I had lost sight of it. I don't know why. I guess life got in the way. Or feelings. Or depression or the funk that I had been in. But I had also promised myself something when I got to my goal weight. 

I don't talk a lot about it here - but after I lost all that weight everything went back to the way it should, which is a small miracle really - I read a lot of blogs about how they deal with extra skin and things not looking right. I didn't have that problem. Everything did what I wanted it to. Except my chest. I promised myself when I hit my goal weight I'd get a boob job. But I HAVE to hit my goal weight. 

What am I going to do about these goals? I'm going to work my butt off - like I've never worked my butt off before. I'm going to hit my goal weight and then I'm going to book another appointment with a plastic surgeon. And then, I'm going to buy myself lots of dresses. Just because, no explanation needed really.