A serious post

This morning while I was doing lunges and drying my hair I started to think about a few things:

First, why was I doing lunges? I hate them. Even when drying my hair.

But second, and most important, I am blessed.

A little back story. Last night I went on a run, and my body just wasn't cooperating. Like had no interest in running. In fact, I had to stop half way through and walk for a bit. And that never happens. I was discouraged.

Then, I started feeling negative. Like, fatty, you need to run. And then moved on to the bigger picture of the nagging all of my serving and volunteering and time spent helping others was just leaving me drained. I have thought time and time again lately that I am burning the candle at both ends, whatever that means. I'm busy at least three days a week with volunteering. Three days a week. And I work a full time job - like 40 plus hours. And I enjoy doing fun things. And I love being with my family. But, for those of you keeping count at home, I am about out of time and energy.

I'm a dieting maniac who exercises every day and does lunges while I dry my hair - but I like get on the scales and it's like oh, you pretty much starved yourself yesterday and you lost .4 pounds overnight. Just fabulous. Makes me feel great.

And I feel guilty because I don't get to spend enough time helping my mom around the house, or spending time with my parents, and sometimes I feel like blogging is time I could be spending reading my bible, or doing a bible study, or being with friends. But I watched Dr. Oz last week and he said feeling guilty will actually make your brain shrivel, so I can't be doing that anymore.

So I went to hang out with my high school girls last night. And, I wasn't in the best mind frame. Actually, I was running at about 0%. I was grumpy and not friendly and my heart and mind just wasn't in the right place. But, I sat down and was ready to worship, to sing with those high school kiddos and to just soak it all in. I had studied the lesson - I knew that we would be talking about how Jesus washed the disciple's feet. I had read the story plenty of times. I knew it well actually. But I guess I had never really taken it all in. It really struck home. I mean, Jesus, who died for us, who died and suffered upon a cross, washed the feet of his disciples, because they were being greedy and trying to outdo the others, they wanted to be the one who got the most recognition and sat at the right hand of Jesus. And then, I watched all of these high school kids wash the feet of others, of their peers, of their leaders, and just was reminded of how selfless we should be.

I had prayed to be more active in my church and had prayed to be busy - and God answered those prayers. He answered the prayers of my heart and I'm being so ungrateful of that.

During the time that we spent in our small groups, I was reminded by each and every girl how easy my life really is, and how difficult their lives are. I was reminded of how blessed I am.

Part of my story is that who I am today is because of the situations that I have been through. From what I have experienced. Each of those scars and stories and tears have brought me to the place that I am today.

I started my evening at 0 and left at 120%. I needed to be reminded that the more that I give of myself, the more that I will be poured into. As much as I pour out of myself, somehow, someway, God pours all of that back into me.