Letting go, Life of Pi, and Cheesecake

You know you've completely forgotten how to blog when you didn't take one single picture over a whole weekend. Not one. You know that you've forgotten how to capture life if you don't remember to take a picture of the trip to Ikea, the car rides with the boyfriend, the million and two coats you tried on, the movie day, the endless amounts of popcorn that you ate, the church visits or the cheesecake. 

You see, I don't have a winter coat. I have lots of coats. I have coats in every single color you can imagine. I have a beige dress coat with lace that is amazing, a green coat with large buttons and sleeves that make my heart go pitter patter. I have a pink coat that looks perfect with that black dress and polka dot tights. I have that black coat that is a little thin but looks great with my business attire. But I don't have a winter coat. You know, the kind that keeps you warm when you are walking around in 20 degree weather with snow hitting your face. I don't know how I managed to make it this long without one but the boyfriend insists now that I find one that keeps me warm. He either really hates to hear me whine, or he's worried about me. I'm gonna go with the latter. Yeah, let's go with that.

We did a whole lot of enjoying each other's company this weekend. Even as I write this post I can't even tell you what we did Friday night. I have no recollection. I imagine it was probably something that was fun and exciting but for the life of me, my mind is blank. It was probably cold and snowy though, as is life lately. 

I watched Life of Pi over the weekend and if you haven't seen it, I highly suggest that you carve out 4 hours to watch it. Because you'll need to watch it twice. The first time will be spent feeling very confused until you get to the very last few minutes - and then you'll want to watch it completely over again. 

I feel like it taught me a lot about myself. And my beliefs. But it also taught me a lot about life. Sometime I lose sight of the whole idea of you just have to keep on keeping on. Keep on trudging through, even when decisions get tough and life gets tougher, you have to continue on your journey.

One thing that I can say about dating is that you forget how to diet. Men like to eat, everything on their plate and everything on yours. The best part of dating is that I can almost always convince him to take me to ice cream or to dessert. No matter that we had ice cream or dessert just the day before OR we aren't even hungry. Which is also why this blog will probably become a diet/exercise blog come January 1st. 

One last thing and then I'll send you on your merry way. I've learned a lot of hard lessons over the past few weeks. Some in my personal life and some in my professional life. It seems as though just as the seasons of weather change, the seasons of life change too. I don't want to completely bore you with the ins and outs of every situation, nor do I feel the need to air all my dirty laundry, but I will say that there are no absolutes in life. Even when you feel the most comfortable and at ease, something will come along and shake your world. The most horrible feeling is when you feel like the life vest has been pulled out from under you and you are just simply trying to stay afloat. I have learned that making my own self happy is one of the most important things that I can do, as selfish as that sounds. But many tears have been shed over this. So standing in my boyfriends kitchen with huge mascara filled tears rolling down my cheeks, I decided I'm not going to cry over the small things anymore.  I won't let me my feelings be hurt and I won't let my evenings be ruined because someone, anyone, is upset with me because I couldn't make it to dinner, or because I choose my boyfriend because even though we may be head over heels, we are still just babies in our relationship.  My mom has been really struggling with the whole relationship thing, not because she isn't happy for me, but because I can't just be where she wants me to be at the drop of a hat. I have learned that I can't make everyone happy, no matter the circumstance, which was a lesson I needed to learn a long time ago. Deadlines will be missed, dates will be cancelled, hearts will be broken, but that doesn't mean that anything has changed, it just means that sometimes you have to paddle through the storm. For the first time in a very long time, I am happy and content. I am excited for what my future may hold and I'm learning to accept myself. I'm learning to accept the beauty of the small things, to put my phone away and live in the moment, to enjoy breakfast dates, to enjoy Sundays, and to accept the things that I cannot change. Sometimes you just have to let go.

Happy Monday,

Brooke