I'll Be There For You

Sometimes I come to this place and I write - I just write for myself and I never even bother to hit the publish button. I just click save and walk away from the computer screen. Going on about my day and thinking about the words as they flash across the computer screen, with each tap on the keyboard.



I've been thinking a lot about friendship. And what the word means and how it works. You see, I've always been a loner. When I was younger, I was impressionable, I was easily lead to believe things, and because I had this deep sense of insecurity, I just wanted to belong. So I ended friendships that never should have ended. I walked away from people who I would give anything to be able to really talk to again. I made decisions that I wish I could take back. I wouldn't really call them regrets, but I would call them mistakes.

This also really terrible thing about me is sometimes I feel really lonely. I can't always put it into words, but even in the most crowded of rooms, I feel lonely. Last night, was one of those nights. I had driven home in an ice storm, was missing my boyfriend and mostly, I just wanted to be surrounded by people. While scrolling through Facebook, I received a text from one of my nearest and dearest friends (she knows who she is). We started talking about friends and friendships and just really unloading about everything happening in our lives.

I don't want to divulge details but she and I both had been really hurt by someone close in the past few months. But the thing is, I don't think either one of us really were shocked by the news. I think too often in life we start to become almost accustomed to being hurt, or to walking on eggshells, or to overlooking things. Until things escalate, words are said, and life hits you square on the chin.

My wish for 2014 isn't necessarily to be a better friend, even though, I do want to do just that. My wish is to be better at deciding what is a quantity relationship and what is a quality relationship. You see, things are changing in my life quite rapidly. For the first time, I can see my future rolling out in front of my eyes and I'm excited about things. I'm excited about the way they are shaping up and all I really want is for those good quality relationships to surround me, to wrap their arms around me in a way that only they can do, and just to really live 2014 with the best of intentions.

If I could give advice to those who are wanting to be a better friend, I would say this: (knowing that I need to take this same advice into consideration) text the friend you haven't talked to in a while and just check on them, be uplifting, don't throw stones, be happy for them, celebrate them, and most importantly just let them know they are loved.

Here's to a very happy 2014!